the signs' cause of death

• aries: drowned in cash and women
• taurus: death by mozzarella sticks
• gemini: balled too hard
• cancer: too much gay sex within a 48 hour period
• leo: parkour
• virgo: crushed by their own ego
• libra: forgot to eat, sleep, or drink water because they were watching netflix
• scorpio: trampled in a pride parade
• sagittarius: suspicious incident involving eggs
• capricorn: did it for the vine
• aquarius: a 5-way
• pisces: one of those papercuts right on your fingertip